My depression has been long since developing over the past year.  What sparked it all into a downward spiral happened last winter when I put in a job application to a place I'll call George. 

Mind you, I have a history with George.  I made George themed items to sell and I always got such good feedback.  But apparently not good enough to be asked to work for George.  So when applications were being accepted I put in mine.

I got an interview and found out the job was basically the same job I was doing at that moment in time.  I never heard back from them.  That started the downward spiral.

So I was talking to my husband about doing volunteer work for George.  He said, "Why are you so committed to a place that didn't even give you the decency of a call after your interview?  Why are you so caught up in a job you do FOR FREE when they have people who are paid to do it?"  So that got me thinking... and what I was thinking about was that still lingering thought of "not good enough to work for George."

This mixed with "I have no idea what I'll do with my life... probably end up in management for some hot dog stand in the mall... how depressing."  And so that became, "What's the point of living?  I have no hopes and dreams anymore."

So after several months of this I was finally told to seek professional help which I did with my medical doctor and she prescribed a lot of drugs to pull me out of the spiral.

Now you know my story.  I was demoted on George to a REAL volunteer position because I stopped using the internet for months on end.  And if you think you know what George is I'll deny it.  I do volunteer work for more than one organization, I'll just swear it's one of the other organizations.  This isn't meant to condemn the organization... just to give an explanation of my medical condition.  It's called Bipolar but I was cycling between depression and apathy.

Hello LJ.  I haven't used you in about a bajillion years.  Can you ever forgive me?

I'm on drugs.  Drugs to keep me from being depressed.  Drugs to make sure I don't get diabetes.  My pharmacist loves me because I have about 6 prescriptions which all need to be filled once a month. 

That's all I have to say for now.

So here I am.  I usually update my DA journal.  If you want to know what I've been up to, that's probably a better place to view my updates.

Anyway... I'm working towards getting an Artist Colony booth at Fanime 2007.  I'll be selling... PLUSHIES!  (seriously... what else could I be selling besides sewn things?)  There will also be some accessories and a few prints.  I have no real faith that I'll sell ANY prints but there's no harm in bringing them.  I'm also making greeting cards.

I just finished a Prier the Tactic plushie for a plushie trade with someone.  She'll be up on my DA page soon.  That leaves... 3 trades and 3 commissions.

I know I mentioned this in my DA Journal... but I sold a 16"x20" painting for $120 at the community art gallery.  The local art community is very supportive and they are fabulous.

What else?  Hmm... I'm on anti-depressants.  I start Prozac on Sunday.  I started Olanzapine on Wednesday and it knocked me out.  Last night I took it and it wasn't so bad.

I also got hooked on a website that features Wajas.  It's a bit like Breedables forum on Gaia except the pets (they are dogs) actually breed and have puppies.  You can breed different dogs together to get various mutations, colors and markings.   You can sell the dogs to other users.  Right now I have two 17 day old female puppies (they reach adulthood at 20 days) and one 42 day old male... that was formally a female but she was given a "gender pear" and that changed her gender to masculine.  I'm hoping to acquire another male and female so I have a nice breeding pool.

I just finished watching one of the new Mythbusters episodes... and I noticed that as they conclude their findings about bloodhounds they are sitting on a park bench that looks familiar... and so does the building behind Adam's shoulder.  As they get up to walk away the camera swings out and OMG!  It's the intersection of S. Livermore St. and First St. in my hometown of Livermore!  There's the bike shop on the corner, the flag pole and the Masonic Hall (I was a Rainbow Girl and we had meeting twice a month in that building).

I clicked back to see if I recognized other buildings before that point and I could.

I watched the credits to make sure... yep... sure enough, they thanks "City of Livermore."

I haven't used my livejournal in ages. 

It looks like Ebay will FINALLY recognize online games' copyrights and cease allowing the sale of virtual items or "time" spent on virtual items!

Oh happy day! 

Cue the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah

I was reading this article.

And this part popped out at me:
"I spoke today with a media representative for the company, who confirmed that eBay is now delisting all auctions for 'virtual artifacts' from the site. This includes currency, items, and accounts/characters; not even the 'neopoints' used in the popular Neopets service is exempt from this decision."

Not even Neopets is exempt?  Were they EVER exempt considering their Terms of Service states this:
"1. Neopets Is A Game, Not A Way To Make Money.
As a guest you do not own the accounts, activities, items, Neopoints, characters, locations, faeries, games and pets on the site; they are for you to play with while on the site. Except as permitted by the functionality of this site, you can't sell them (for money or Neopoints), give them to anyone, trade them for anything (including Neopoints), or pretend you made them. This means that you cannot try to make money off the Neopoints or virtual items in your account or even sell the time it took you to collect such items and Neopoints. If we find someone selling Neopoints or items, we will freeze every account controlled by that user and every account of the user who purchased such Neopoints or items."

These people who sell on ebay don't "own" those virtual items.  Many of the sites they are trying to sell from state that they have no right to sell the item or the time making the item.  And so when they are found and their account frozen for violating the Terms of Service, they now lack that item and can't deliver it.  THEN what happens?  Do they make excuses to the high bidder?  Usually the listing states that what they are doing is perfectly legal.  So if it's "legal" why was their account frozen?  Hmm?  Could it be... GASP... because they broke the site's rules?  It's not like it's an unreasonable rule.

Because it looks to me like Neopets' stance was always, "Look, fool, if we catch you selling virtual Neopets shit for Real Money, we're going to ban you and every account you made and all the people you did business with.  IT'S NOT ALLOWED HERE, got it?"

I doubt the two are mutually exclusive. 

Here's a simple litmus test... Doesn't the weather seem "unstable" to anyone else?   From what I've seen, yes.   In California we had uncharacteristically hot summer and freezing cold winter (which is messing with agriculture that requires the more temperate temperature to survive).

Anyone ever play with a spinning toy top?  As it slows down it starts to wobble and jump all over place.  Global warming is like a slowing down top.  If it's here, then I predict completely out of control weather patterns until the planet stabilizes again.

But this is a long term thing.  20 years from now we will look back on the past few years and see the big picture.  Was it part of a pattern or was it isolated to a few short years?

What sparked this?  Someone wrote into the editorial section of the San Francisco Chronicle with "I miss Global Warming."  And it just occured to me how short sighted that statement was.  All they can see is the cold snap.  Forget about every other crazy weather pattern in the past few years... because it's a "cold snap" and that means "no warming." 

If you stand in front of a defrosting freezer you will get cold even thought the ice is melting.

I just got back from seeing Jesus Christ Superstar at the San Francisco Orpheum. 

We had second row seats... and part of my reaction probably has something to do with being about 10 feet from the stage.  But also keep in mind that I majored in music and I have a background in musical theater and theater in general. 

Ok... I don't know how to say this... but it wasn't very good.  Hubby likened it to being like watching a high school musical.  I liken it more to maybe a junior college performance.  Although my junior college was really very good... it's the ensemble that worried me.

Ok, so yes... a few of the principles had pitch issues, especially the high notes.  And they were decent at acting.

Poor Jesus is the same guy who's in the the movie from the 70's.  He's about 60 now and the rest of the cast is all in their 20's.  But damn, Jesus could hit his notes.

I think what I was seeing with the ensemble was mostly unmotivated blocking.  You could pick out any ensemble person and watch the wheels in their head turning as they were thinking, "Ok... now I have to cross over to here and pretend to talk to this guy about what's going on... and now I'm crossing over to Jesus to get some Jesus lovin'... and now I'm standing in the corner and talking to this other guy but I'm really thinking about puppies... puppies are cute... oh!  That's my cue to run off stage."  The blocking just wasn't very good.  It seemed there were a lot of people wandering around on stage.  It looked a lot like the director was thinking, "What do I do with 18 people while two are singing at each other?"

The other problem I had... was costumes.  It seems the costume designer is familiar with Simplicity patterns... because I saw 5386 on the priests and 4450 on Pilot.  I think 4450 was heavily modified...  There were a few others that made me think, "Hmm... I've seen that."

You overpriced bookstore... You delight me with book titles for Harry Potter 7.  So, of course, I scramble around the internet to find the publisher and see if it's true... it is.  SWEET.  I recall something Rowling said on her website when I was looking at the rumors page... she doesn't name the book until it's done or just about done... which means... it's coming. 

YAY!

So I sent my resume and portfolio to Right Stuf.  I know... Right Stuf eats souls.  But they may actually have need of a plushie maker.  And it's not like I'll get any commissions closer to home... so Right Stuf it is! 

They aren't actually accepting any job positions but you are allowed to send resumes for "future positions" to the HR person.

I guess it means that I suck in the plushie department and should look for some other career because I'm failing miserably.

Look!  A dragon.  Meh...

But that's ok.  Ann Landers recommends 8 days to assume that you're just not what they are looking for.  It's been almost two weeks
Oh well.  It was for Gaia. 

I guess I can wait three years for the Log to go to school.  I can always go back to Joanns... maybe apply for management there.

Edit: The only part that bothers me... is that my life has no goal.  I'm just a housekeeper/child care person.  I've given up on just about every career dream I've had.  I'm going to be an old lady before the kids are finally old enough to no longer need me 24/7.

I have many many things to do this week.

Gas Up Car
Get new Fitted Sheet
Rubber Stamp Supplies
Get New Glasses frames for James
Turn in art for boutique
Dishes (working on)
Wash Bed Lines
Vacuum Downstairs
Vacuum Upstairs
Make Fudge
Make Pumpkin Pies
Haircuts for Kids
Clean Bathrooms

Commissions and Exchanges:
2 Hakuryu (1 Commission, 1 Exchange)
Dragon (Prize)
Rag Doll (Prize)
Prier (Exchange)
Muraki (commission)
Tommy (exchange)
Christmas UFOCatcher BBS (exchange)

Natalie... If  you don't expect it for Christmas you can pile it on my work load.

Someone asked if I would make them a Muraki by Christmas.  *points up to list* I have a lot on my plate right now (the Muraki listed was commissioned at Yaoicon).

Did I mention that I went on a job interview last week?  No?  I did.  I love the company.  I'm not too worried about it either way it goes.  If I don't then I won't have to look for daycare... if I do then it's a place I like.  Sometimes I also think it's nice to dress up like an adult and go answer a million questions about yourself to an interview committee.  It kinda reminds you just how much you've been doing the past few years when you first assumed it "wasn't much."  Hey... I have goals!  And a focus!  Sweeeeeeeet.

I've also been making rubber stamps.  Carving them is a lot of fun.  I have two designs carved and two more on the slab.  I plan to do many more.  I also got one of those Rubber Stamping instruction books.  It looks like a lot of fun.  It has instructions for embossing, decopage and many other techniques.  I can make personalized notecards with my own stamps.

What else?  Not much... aside from working on exchange plushies and commissions.  One of my more recent journal entries on DA was about "where I'm at" as far as these projects go.  I have been using my DA journal a lot more... probably because I've been a lot more artistically minded these days.



She actually doesn't look like that anymore.  I slimmed down some of her lines and got rid of the excess.

Someone shared this video and it bothered me on many levels:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=IY4XHXn5B9I

I think this is supposed to take place in America or some similar English speaking country.  Based on context and my limited Japanese, it seems to be an instructional video for tourists on how to survive a mugging.

Ok... the first thing she SHOULD have done is as soon as that guy wrapped his arms around her, she should have shoved her elbow back into his belly.  Or kicked him in the shins.  Or BIT his arm because it's right there under her chin and all she had to do was lean her head down and BITE HIM!  HARD!  It's the perfect placement for those self defense moves.

In the second segment she's in the perfect place to kick the guy who took her bag in the balls.  His legs are wide open and he's very vulnerable.  Plus all he has is a knife and the other guy is unarmed.  Kicking and jabbing would have helped. 

The third segment I'm not going to get into because involving the police is always good.

Ok... so not everyone thinks of self defense moves... but there are ways to discourage someone trying to mug you.  One is to make yourself a difficult target.  Muggers are looking for someone easy who won't fight back.  If you yell "Fire" or draw attention to yourself, they look for someone else... especially if all they have is a single knife.  (A gun may be a bit more difficult)

Another is to be aware of your surroundings and not put yourself in the situation... and look like you know where the heck you're going.  The serial rapist on my college campus was looking for easy targets... girls who weren't paying attention to their surroundings.  One of the self defense suggestions made by campus security to help women protect themselves was to carry a "rape whistle."  If you carry it on your keys and always have your keys out, if you see someone suspiciously heading towards you, blast the whistle to draw attention to yourself.  Another is pepper spray and mace... it works on the same principle as a skunk.  Someone gets too close, you blast them with chemicals that make them temporarily blind.

Another tip I learned when working at a movie theater as a cashier... if they take you as a hostage, pretend to faint.  They won't want to carry YOU around so they will leave you there on the floor (unless you belong to a wealthy family and want to ransom you).  And make it a good faint.  Roll your eyes back into your head and let your knees give out and fall like a heavy sack of potatoes to the ground.  It may hurt, but at least you won't end up abducted.  There is a chance they may get angry and hurt you, but being hurt in a public place where people can get you help is a better outcome than ending up dead in a ditch somewhere.  If you play possum you have better chances of surviving.

There are so many ways that girl could have gotten out of being mugged.

I defy you!  No writing for me.  I have sewing to do!

I didn't even sign up.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Edit: And for people who fake cease and desist letters on Deviant Art... you should at least make SOME attempt to find out what the name of the actual company is you are pretending to be a part of in order to threaten people.  Oakland Zoo Corporation?  That's just stupid!  They are a non-profit entity, which usually call themselves organizations, societies and associations.   For your information Oakland Zoo's entity is called East Bay Zoological Society and they are members of the American Zoo and Aquarium Association.  And you should also do some research as to if they really use (tm) or (r) next to their name.  Because despite what you say... they don't.  A quick trip to their website would have shown that.  Nor do they make any claims of being a registered entity.  And since when is it bad to give credit to a zoo for taking a picture of their elephant?

The Muraki commission came through for me.  Yay!  Now I have to go get fabrics for him.

I've always wanted to make a Muraki... but I knew if I made him people might not want him... like poor Draco. 

Muraki will be 13 inches tall (32 cm) and I may go with the manga design because I have the artbooks (I love the Kinokuniya).  I also have the anime on DVD, but we'll start with his white suit and grey shirt before the trenchcoat or the labcoat.

I actually have a lot of sewing to do.

I haven't posted in ages... AGES I tell you.  Why?  I've been very busy with getting ready for Yaoicon.  I made a lot of stuff.  I actually was better at posting to my DA journal than here.  So sad...

I have a Y!gallery now under my pen name so you can go view my smut.  Mmm... Smut.

I also started a Tokyopop account... I figured that if I didn't then someone else would and that would make me a sad panda.  It's not like any of the stuff in fanart or photos is actually "original" which is depressing.  It's all screencaps and manga scans.  So I posted Gwee.  Immediately I got the strangest comments.  I think they were in English but they looked like, "Ur so vry wlcome!  WElcum 2 tp newb!"  And ONE girl asked me if I was a lesbian or bi.  (I didn't post anything about my sexuality so why would she CARE???)

Ok... I'm not going back to Tokyopop for a while.  I only wanted to make sure I was alerted when Gravitation Ex came out.  *sniffle*

Now I go clean my office because it is FULL of fabric.

Edit: Dude... Gaia Jigsaw is DAMN addicting!

Further edit:  I have lots of inventory left over from Yaoicon.  It's for sale.  I don't have the smutty stuff or the hats posted, but you can ask about that if you want.  Here's my DA journal with the leftover list: http://leloi.deviantart.com/journal/10509104/

I sold Snape!  http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/37162896/

Click the pics to see bigger versions.

7/31-8/6 Sew Black Mini Bodies, Finish 3 Dragons
8/7-13 Finish Minis
8/14-20 Sew Alabaster plushie bodies
8/21-27 Sew Beige plushie bodies
8/23-9/3 Sew Chemise plushie bodies
9/4-10 Sew Doll Face plushie bodies
9/11-17 Finish Angels & Demons
9/18-24 Finish Neko & Kitsune
9/25-10/1 Cut, Sew and Finish 9 Bunny Hats
10/2-8 Cut, Sew and Finish 5 Kuma
10/9-15 Plastic Hang Tags for Angels, Demons, Neko & Kitsune
10/16-22 Ryuuichi & Sesshoumaru cosplaybears
10/20-22 Goal: Yaoi Con Fanart Table Inventory

I'm mostly done sewing the mini bodies.  I finished sewing and turning gray and white bodies.  All of them need to be stuffed before their heads can be sewn on and I can finish them.  Alabaster, Beige, Chemise and Doll Face are velour colors.  Their numbers are 5, 5, 5, 6 for a total of 21.  Working on sewing five plushies a week isn't that difficult.

Done for no particular reason, except I wanted to make them. Snape and Draco are currently for sale. Someone has expressed interest, but I'm not sure how serious they are.



Voldy went with me last night to the AOD staff meeting. The guys didn't know what to think of him. ^^v Fear my Dark Lord.

Individual shots can be found in my DA Gallery: http://leloi.deviantart.com/

Actually... the reason I made Draco was because someone queried me about how much a Draco would be. They planned for it to be a raffle prize at a Harry Potter convention. It fell through, but I thought I should make a Draco anyway.

Voldy and Snape happened because I was looking through the plushie gallery at DA for those names. Everyone it seems has done Snape so I wanted to add one more. Voldy has been underdone.